


Auld Lang Syne

by daisyfalls



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 17:57:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5595526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisyfalls/pseuds/daisyfalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Dean is vanquished.  The gang has scattered.  Trying to piece together their lives in the aftermath.  But as 2015 comes to a close, Laura isn't certain moving forward is anything she'll ever be able to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Auld Lang Syne

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year, friends! This is a (late) gift for the Secret Santa exchange for my buddy paramorized. 
> 
> Enjoy and stay safe, y'all! See you in 2016.

It was strange to be home.

The once comfort that Laura had felt so long ago, gone.Replaced with a feeling she couldn’t quite name.Quiet.Unnerving. 

Frustrating.

Terrifying.

Still.

Strange.

Completely and wholly strange. 

No longer did her Dad’s famous cocoa fill her with calm and joy.But, rather, the distinct feeling of regret.Of loss.

Of knowing that it could never be the same again.

Across the room, her dad snores and Laura starts.Turning briefly from the window to look at him.His face illuminated by the glow of the television in the dark.

The New Year’s Countdown program her dad had insisted on putting on filling the otherwise quiet room on the television.

She had told him not to play it.She didn’t particularly care if it was on.And she knew he would fall asleep minutes before the ball dropped.

But her dad had insisted, as he always did.Because it was tradition.

She hadn’t had the heart to tell him that tradition didn’t feel like much anymore.

Not when she felt so vastly different.

But how could she? 

He didn’t know.Hadn’t any idea.And she had meant it that way.The decision to broadcast the last of the videos to her private list the best idea she’d ever had.

(All things considered)

And he’d been none the wiser to what her year had pertained.

The Apartment.Mattie.Vordenberg.LaF.Danny.JP and Will.Kirsch.

Carmilla.

Carm.

Perry.

_The Dean_.

Laura swallows, her chest heavy.A sensation she was still adjusting to.A sense of foreboding that she wasn’t sure would ever leave. 

Barely even twenty years old and, she thinks, cursed to live a life constantly afraid.

She turns back to the window, watching as the snow slowly begins to fall. 

Wondering.

Like she had every night, if they all felt like she did.

LaFontaine and Perry had disappeared.Shortly after they had finally rid the latter of The Dean.

Perry had barely spoken upon waking.Memories, it seemed, engrained in her mind.A glass from behind which she had been stuck.Watching.Terrified.With nothing to do.

Feeling as if it had been her fault.

They had all told her it wasn’t so.But there couldn’t be much convincing otherwise.

LaFontaine had promised to take her away.Finding someplace to hide them both.To recover.Away from family and friends and spying eyes. 

Away from the thought that it could happen again. 

Knowing that it wouldn’t.

But possibility was terrifying all the same.

They hadn’t said where they would be going.

Laura hadn’t asked.

Carm had given them directions to someplace.Somewhere.And they’d gone. 

And that had been that.

Carm. 

Laura sighs.Her breath coating across the glass before her.Hot compared to the temperature outside.And before she can really think, her hand rises.Drawing an unrecognizable shape into the fog there.

It resembles something of a heart, she thinks. 

Not that she would ever admit it.

Carm.

She and Mattie had taken Danny and Kirsch.Also someplace unknown.Somewhere.

To teach them.To calm them.To help them gain control.

It was their Mother’s mess, they had said. 

And it was their duty to fix it.

Laura hadn’t been able to argue.The conflicted look Danny had given her from across the room.In the chain and shackles that had been placed on her enough of a reason.

Her body had changed.The Dean’s voice still ringing in her ear.

She’d needed help.

And by some grace in the world.One Laura was still trying to fathom and understand.Carmilla and Mattie had decided they would be responsible.

They hadn’t said where they would be going.

Simply turning and leaving.

Laura had had to pretend that it didn’t sting when Carmilla didn’t turn back.

Walking until the horizon had swallowed them.

Leaving her with the distinct feeling that she would never see any them again.

On the television, she’s faintly aware of the countdown starting.Excited voices filling the room.But Laura barely recognizes it.Barely stirs.

The lump in her throat far too hot and far too big. 

The single tear running down her cheek burning a trail into her skin.

The world reaches one.

The clock resets.

Her dad snores.

Laura turns off the television.

 

//

 

Her room is cold.

It’s the first thing she notices.Which is strange. 

Because the heat is blaring.Had been all day.The house’s fight against the weather outside.And it should be hot.Should be a furnace.

Warm and engulfing and pleasant.

But it’s cold.

Because her window is open.

And panic rises.

It’s a familiar sense.The hairs on the back of her neck pricking as her ears focus.Alert. 

There’s a movement to her left. 

A shadow dark amongst the black.

And Laura’s breath catches when she hears:

“Well it’s about damn time, cupcake.”

Laura turns.To find Carmilla sitting, perched with one leg up on her bed.Her arm resting across it.

A smirk on her face.

A million thoughts come rushing to her as the air seems to leave the room. 

And she’s hot.She thinks.Suddenly glad the window is open.

Her jaw slackens.And she babbles silently. 

Carmilla’s lips turns up even more.Her smirk widening.And Laura blurts:

“What are you doing here?”

She watches as Carmilla’s brow furrows and she becomes even more amused.“Was taking a stroll through the neighborhood.Thought I’d drop by.”

Laura blinks.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

“Though I suppose I should have sent a text first,” Carmilla’s saying.“Perhaps then you’d be more talkative.”

“I just never thought—.”Laura trails.Catching her words before she speaks.Swallowing them. 

But then Carmilla straightens, her head tilting to the side.“Never thought what?”

She says it as Carmilla always does.And something inside Laura breaks. 

Because she’d never been able to deny Carmilla an answer.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to.

“That you’d want to see me again.”

And it’s the wrong thing to say, Laura knows.Or perhaps the right.

Was there really one or the other anymore?

Because suddenly Carmilla’s smirk drops.As does her leg and her hands and her head and she’s looking down.Shyly playing with her hands.

Her front gone.

A fair trade, Laura thinks.She may never be able to deny Carmilla an answer.

But Carmilla had never been able to deny her her vulnerability.

Carmilla turns to her then.An open sort of look in her eyes that makes the room feel heavier and lighter at the same time.

The moon painting a haunting glow across her face.Masking her in the night of the room.Giving her just enough light.

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to.”Carmilla responds.

“Then why are you here?”

Carmilla shrugs.“Because I suppose I really did, in the end.The subconscious is a tricky thing, wouldn’t you agree?”

Laura looks away.To the windowsill, where snowflakes were beginning to gather.Because she’s really not sure she could agree.

“How is—?”

She doesn’t need to finish.She knows.

Carmilla nods.A strange sort of smile pulling at her lips.

Full of pride, Laura thinks.Not that Carmilla would ever admit it.

“Danny is fine.The beefcake is too, for that matter.”

Laura lets out a long breath.Feeling momentary relief before the tightness in her chest fills once more.“I’m sure she’s pleased to know she’ll be spending an eternity with Kirsch.”

Carmilla snorts.“I believe her exact words were ‘stake me, stake me now.”

“And Mattie?”  
  
“Bored out of her fucking mind.”

Laura laughs.And it must sound funny, she thinks.Because Carmilla looks at her with a furrowed brow and a question in her eyes.

She looks away.

“I—.”

Laura starts again.But stops herself.Her words, it would seem, trying to get ahead of her. 

But she can’t let them.Wouldn’t.

Because it wasn’t her place.Wasn’t her _right_ to say that.

Not anymore.

Not ever.

Not to Carm, anyway.

“Yes?”

Laura shakes her head.

“It’s nothing,” she says, to her hands. 

A quiet falls over them.And Laura is certain she can hear the sounds of the snowflakes falling.Impossible, she thinks.

But nothing ever really seemed impossible now. 

Not where Carmilla was concerned.

“I miss you.”

It’s said so quiet, Laura isn’t even sure it’s spoken.

But she looks up, nearly giving herself whiplash.And by the look Carmilla gives her, she knows it was real.

Her eyes wide.Beyond any vulnerability she had ever seen.

Hopeful.

Completely terrified.

“You do?”

She watches as Carmilla gives the faintest of nods.Turning away to look out the window.

And not for the first time, Laura is struck with just how beautiful Carmilla Karnstein is.

“I miss you, too.”

Laura says. 

Carmilla’s eyes flutter close.A wistful smile pulling at her lips.As if she feels Laura’s response in the very center of her bones and being.

And when she opens her eyes again, she turns.Looking back to Laura with uncertainty.

“Yeah?”

Laura nods.Furious and fast.

The _Like someone cut a whole in me_ , traveling through her once more.Spoken months ago.But all the same.

And she thinks Carmilla must feel it too.

She hoped.

How could she not?

“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?” Carmilla says, after a moment.

“Are we?”

Carmilla’s brow raises.“I’d say all things considered.Yes.”

“No,” Laura’s voice wavers.And she wants to look away.Anywhere else but at Carmilla.But she can’t.She’d never been able to.“A pair.”

Carmilla’s head tilts to the side.“Aren’t we?”

“I thought I lost that privilege.”

She watches as Carmilla sighs.Her head shaking slightly.And then she stands.Gives herself a slight nod.

Shrugs.

“If you lost it, then I lost it, too.”

Laura isn’t sure she can breath.The room suddenly becoming cold again. 

And hot.

And a million things she can’t think to name.

But were certainly there.

Filling her.

Given to her.

With each step that Carmilla slowly took toward her.

That fear she felt, always there.Always present.Multiplying and dissipating all at once.

“Would you like to be?”Carmilla stops just before her.Her head tilting slightly to the side.“A pair?”

Laura nods.The only sane thing she can think to do.Because if she spoke, surely she’d mess it up. 

Whateve _r it_ was.

If the past year had taught her anything it was that she should spend a great deal of more time quiet.

"Do you?"

Carmilla moves slowly.Reaching forward until her fingers brush against Laura’s.Pausing.Waiting.Playing with her fingers as she adds quietly:  
  
“I should think you know me well enough by now to know the answer to that, cupcake.”

Laura isn’t sure she can breath.Isn’t sure she wants to breath.Because if she did then surely this would be taken from her.

A dream.

Her mind playing tricks on her.

A haunting, taunting nightmare, thrust upon her by the Dean.

Cursing her for the rest of her life.

“That is,” Carmilla continues, finally taking Laura’s hand in her own and lacing their fingers together.“If you’d like to be.”

“Yes.”

Laura breathes out before Carmilla can even finish her sentence.

It earns her an amused smirk.

And she’d like to chastise her.To tell her to not be so smug.But she is far too preoccupied with the tingling of life beginning to spread through her.

Slow.

Vibrant.

And she is left to wonder with how long it had been that she had become so numb.

“I’m sorry.”She says.The first of a million things making it’s way to the front of her mind.The first of a million things she’d like to say.So many conversations they’d need to have.

A simple beginning, she thinks. 

The very best place to start. 

Julie Andrews had never steered her wrong.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“I’d like to—that is…I want…I—.”

Carmilla chuckles and Laura huffs.

“Would it be okay if I…?”

She doesn’t need to finish, she knows.Not with the way that Carmilla’s eyes drop to her lips.

“Do your worst.”

Laura does.

Taking a shaking step forward, until her body connects fully with Carmilla’s.Her hand reaching up, cupping Carmilla’s cheek.Feeling the warmth radiating there spread through her like dawn.

She kisses her.

Slow.And sweet.

A promise, she thinks.

Because, perhaps her worst, wouldn’t have to be so bad.Not in the end.

Laura pulls back slightly.Not able to bring herself to stray too far.Not when she had so much time to make up for.

Carmilla’s wistful sigh ghosts across her lips and Laura smiles.

“Happy New Year, Laura.”

“Happy New Year, Carm.”


End file.
